recently quite active at here.. relying here to write down my feelings.. well.. mostly of my post are sad i know.. hiezz.. donnoe what actually im doing.. mess up so many things.. who willing to hurt the 1 they love.. unless they arent sincere to the love.. but then.. still will have something happened like argument or misunderstanding to ordeal the love..... the feeling is still strong.. so hope to meet you.. or even text you.. but then.. im just asking myself dat if im talking to you.. will i annoying you? i can just admit dat i never really learn how to love.. im just following my feelings.. easy to mess up things when im in emotional.. cant be really rational.. this is my shortcoming i realised.. when im trying to be good to him.. must have something disappointed happened and mostly all my fault.. even i dont mean it also.. dats just a fault.. and everytime other than apologise and explain i found i cant even do anythings.. its all a test.. Still very caring of him.. Thinking of him everyday everytime.. really miss him ba.. i know i cant let go.. but what else i can do? Time would helping me to make all the misunderstanding clear and let us grow more mature thinking? Den.. Take time ba.. nowdays must be very hard to pass ler.. i just hope u can always be in the good mood as how i know you before.. fact is always hard to face.. always think like to escape it.. i asked my mom whether next year can i go Penang study.. and she were just reject it..>< and Now.. the only thing i bother is my body.. god bless me i would be fine.. please.....

善意的谎言也是谎言..
被揭穿了才觉得无地自容?
多不想面对..只想当鸵鸟..可是我知道不行这样..
就算有多辛苦..多难受..
不要再向别人求助了..
真是害人害己啊..
心事就收在心里吧..有什么自己解决..
多难受都好..
不可以在摆着一张苦瓜脸面对其他人了..
要装..就要装好一点..
保持笑容..多假都无所谓..
当这样的双面人也总好过用言语欺骗人的双面人..(any different? =.=)
变神经病也是自己的问题..
认错又怎样?内疚忏悔又能怎样.....(T.T)

那一刻多想紧紧抓着你的手不要放开..好想告诉你我有多不舍得..在我再也忍不住大哭..你紧紧的抱着我的那一刻..感觉快崩溃了..好不容易厘清所有的问题..到最后剩下的两个选择..等待着你的答案..心好像悬挂在空中..一直跟自己说不会是第二个..不会是第二个..答案却是如此的令人失望..我知道..你做这个决定也很痛苦..可是为什么你不自私一点选择在一起..我愿意牺牲去佛堂..你知道的..为什么要成全我..为什么我们明明相爱却不能在一起..我也感觉到你很舍不得啊....

睡醒后的胡言乱语..

从小就有一个观念..我会常常提醒自己..不可以太过开心..因为我觉得开心和伤心都有一个限度..当开心用完了之后..就只剩下伤心..开心不可能永远开心..或许在你得意的时候..伤心的事慢慢就会来临..(hmm.. i think nobody understand wat i say ba..=X)

最近觉得自己越来越离谱了..一有一些小事想不通..很烦恼的时候..就会有想结束生命的念头..这些天好像越来越频繁了..控制不到自己不去想那些..忧郁症?我有那么严重吗?只是太过压抑自己了吧..不过放心..我还没傻到那种伤害自己的地步..

我要的到底是什么..我真的可以自私的为我自己想想吗?为什么一直以来我做的东西都没有人懂..我委屈求全..连最重要的自尊心都抛开了..还不够吗..我很容易满足的..对我好一点点不难的..真的好像一条橡皮筋..一直拉一直拉..就不懂几时会断掉而已..

可不可以什么都不要想..很累..

emo again.. hmm why my heart cant be firm.. wonder.. why.. the decision always change.. why i change to be like this.. what i want actually.. i asked myself so many times.. but.. finally i just forget the question cause i know even though i also cant answer myself.. hate to be like this.. really.. but how.. how can i solve all the problems nicely without hurt others n hurt myself..=.= feel wanna long piak liao..

hmm how to describe the feeling.. its like all back to the starting point and keep going on.. and i know.. the feeling never change.. i broke my own promise.. never give up as how i told myself.. still.. miss him everyday and really hope to meet him everyday since this is my last week of holiday.. really enjoy it.. and its really fun for me.. hmm even though sometimes nothing to do..=X play basketball.. have breakfast and lunch.. watch match.. disturb him.. eat ice cream.. =D and everytime also not willing to go back home just hope to stay more longer beside him.. lolx.. im totally like a kid when be with him.. but then.. still hope he can take the initiative to text me when he miss me? hmm sometimes really wonder should i text him everyday like a girl friend.. would he feel annoying? how if i din find him.. will he unhappy? just same goes to should i tell him where i going? well.. did i think too much? >< hmm or i should just ask him these question someday.. lets change a topic.. going start my new semester next monday.. feel excited.. but i know.. when its started i will miss my holiday again.. lol.. 5 subjects.. all tough subject not just like General Studies or English or wat Malaysian Studies.. must study harder ler.. aim all get As.. too high expectation? hmm try my best ba.. just hope still able to manage the stress lo.. and try to save MONEY.. oh yea.. DIET!! i waste my holiday din go for swimming lesson.. reason? no hv money.. hiez.. just hope can be more slim abit larr.. =P and nowadays keep thinking of the society.. since i gonna start my studies wont be so often back temple ler ba.. i know i shouldnt say too much or make any promise cause i know i cant quit it on time.. take time to quit lo.. but then the blood donation de activity since i promise others i will attend den i shouldnt broke the promise right.. after finish the activity i wont accept any activity ler ba.. i said i like to teach the kids.. its truth actually.. they are all so cute and everytime i see them my mood will be bright automatically.. take time lo.. hmm Its late.. going to bed lerr.. night..=)

觉得自己很奇怪..
明明累得要命..却不想睡..
自己也搞不懂我自己..
真的是我的问题吗..
慢慢的觉得对自己越来越没有信心..
好像快得忧郁症..
连自己都发觉好像有点严重..
一有一些小事发生就会有那种恐怖的念头..
逃避?
或许吧..
我连面对自己的缺点都需要时间了..
解决?
还得努力吧..
现在只希望能够做好自己..
想先搞好自己的问题..才来接受别人..
可能..
我的心不定吧..
做事犹豫不决..过了的事还一直想影响自己..
才会这样..
本来告诉自己..该死了这条心了..
该放弃了..
可是..就连我自己都开始不听自己的话..
心开始动摇..真的好想好想你..
这到底是什么问题..
我真的不想当双面人....