holiday nothing to do here the place to spend my time and share my mind.. when the time im studying don really have time to blog cause usually rest at 10pm or might be earlier.. now i can sleep late and dats a trouble is i will think too much when night.. and then.. will be very miss him and feel like talk to him.. =.= hiez.. tot of tmr can get my new phone due to have 10% discount for buying SIII.. zzz but then mom told me she need to pay 4k + for my college fees and spend 1k + for repair the house gate that we rent for ppl.. what can i say? hmm cant do anythg but just wait.. the worst thing is.. my sister still add salt add vinegar to my mom.. hng.. i want my SIII u also have request for your ipad la... wait long long la..== btw tmr 8pm-10pm can get 1 scope of free baskin robbin to eat.. don feel like going actually.. must be alot of people queue up sure have to wait + hard to find parking..

holiday mode on..

finally ended my 2nd semester.. now having the 3 weeks sem break staying at home and no idea wat can i do.. feel like finding some part time job but im so lazy.. >< hmm waiting for my finals result.. hope it wont be too bad lo.. no hope to get A ler.. sienz.. next semester would be the last long sem for my foundation.. den.. going to start my degree.. so gonna work really hard for the last sem to turn my CGPA better.. well just saw my new timetable for the next sem.. friday have no class.. yuhoo..xD but other than this the rest are really suck.. hiezz.. hmm change a topic.. nowadays quite enjoy with my life.. erm.. few more days later we are going to be in relationship bout 3 months jor.. time passed fast.. really fast.. anyway still appreciate everything i have.. hmm.. actually dats still alot of thing in my heart i din tell or.. even din share at here.. maybe everyone not realise.. hmm never mind.. it will be good when i know u n my frens are always with me..=)

dying..

there's few more hours the accounting test 2 is coming.. did all the questions with a lot of question marks above my head..  hiez i should try all my best to do more revision but then im just here to pass the time.. feel wanna give up le la.. wait die jor this time..

hiezz..

hiezzz.. so moody when seeing my friends all work so hard for the assignment.. compare to theirs my work seem so simple and really no satisfy on it.. hmm.. guess i din work the most efficient on it ba.. or i pay too high of expectation and request on myself? until now they are still rushing their assignment.. while im still free to release my bad mood here.. erm.. or should be say im tired of keep editing or lazy to adding any stuff on it ler ba.. =.= really '三分钟热度'..>< need many many inspiration and motivation lo.. but how?? hiezz.. still a lot of assignments and tests going to complete.. can be mad jor.. >,<

too much of incident and memories to share.. lazy to type..=D sooo.. make it brief.. all i wan to say is.. dear i love u so muchiex..xD its feel warm when u are always beside me and caring of me.. especially when the accident..>< err.. honestly when it was settle and on the way i drove to college i cried..>< well i also donnoe why.. scare of getting scold from mom ba dat time.. luckily she still calm when saw my 'pity myvi'.. =X

hmm.. feels like so many things to release but then donnoe how to start.. i need you to stay beside and talk with me.. even i know sometimes i drag too much time just keep silence.. but i just hope u can accompany beside me.. just us...

like to have talk with you face to face.. hmm why? cause.. we can control each others emotions when talking.. no matter what topic we talk about..hmm especially those sad thing or argument.. erm.. okie larr.. i admit i always cant control my emotions always cry de.. sure ur heart also not feeling well when seeing me cry? sorry yea..>< know why i prefer to talk with u face to face? because i can know your emotions and think twice what i should say and wat i shouldnt.. hmm okie larr.. same as you lo.. i Guess u cant see how my emotions so you just talk straight of what you wanna talk in text dont like face to face you would talk very well to me.. dats why.. i like to talk in front of you.. oh yea.. when you are beside me i also easy to comfort back you.. like talking as a kid.. xD

shoes mood continuing...

still in the shoes mood..=D 

donnoe someone say dont let others know 1st but then post the picture on fb early in the morning yea..xD okie larr here are few pictures of the shoes lo..

my favorite.. xD most like this picture jor..<3

hmm lets change a topic out of the shoes..=D oh yea today finally i met my mathematics lecturer.. he is just 26 if no wrong.. but tn hair style so old school..>< today is his 1st day to Inti and he donnoe anything at here.. ahduii gonna learn back add math again.. =.= sienzz.. lol just now im thinking of that im seem really always cant wait to study.. good or bad? dont i gv the lecturer pressure cause i oredi lend the text book from library that even he also havent seem it..>< hmm Recently keep thinking of the annoying thing when its free time and nothing to do.. how harr.. really no idea how to solve.. i donwan the worst thing happen!!! ><

so tired.. havent touch my revision yet now so damn sleepy jor.. how leh.. just 8pm leh.. 2 more hours.. almost fall asleep at my comfortable sofa but then my mom wake me up to fetch my bro go tuition..>< 

coffee seem not so effective for me liaoo.. zzzzzzz

the new shoes..^^

hmm hmm.. just now after class went Summit help him to collect his lovely shoes..xD happy happy.. 

sound like cant wait for taking his shoes lo.. =D 

this is the COOL shoes.. my Blue colour..xD

hehe you look at the picture 1st larr harr..=D 

gonna rain soon.. off to do revision 1st.. =)

oh yea today at college happened something make me really pissed off but then this shoes and him make me happy back..hehe..

sunny day..

=D today whole day so enjoyed.. hmm.. midnight still text each other but then feel fun.. no idea why.. lets try again.. xD then morning went Summit for his limited shoes.. honestly look from the picture don really feel good to the shoes.. but then.. when i saw the shoes this morning i was just feel like..'' wow.. its so COOL..xD'' hmm.. as i said the shoes are limited the price must be erhmm.... =X but then luckily his mom din really screw him as how we tot.. xD when he feel happy im automatically feel happy too.. i love this kind of feeling..hehe =) will help him to collect his shoes tmr perhaps.. lend me to capture some picture 1st yea.. =D hmm oh yea today i tried the Subway.. 1st time for me.. taste not bad lo.. alot of choices too.. can try it someday when lunch time in front of college.. =P noon went last dancing practice for the Blood Donation.. omg when kp wear the white colour pants everyone was like fall on the floor and laugh non stop.. cant really accept it.. so damn funny.. =.=  Hmm tmr gt class until 5pm.. must sleep early ler.. night..=)

errr.. have been waiting his reply since 1/2 hour ago.. sleeping? or donwan chap me jor? =( lolx.. felt myself so funny.. always feel so insecure when he is not with me.. why? well.. when we are texting i would automatically worry that isn't he feel emo or angry or any negative feeling just because of me.. like used to it liao.. sometimes really the half time chating will pops out with something bad or disappointed.. lolx.. im always like that.. do something or say some words that donnoe will hurting or annoying people.. never learn? hiezz..=X even now i also scare of myself.. =.=

still cant stop my mind don't too think that thing.. but then.. hiezzz.. since 1 day it delay 1 day i become worrier and worrier.. what to do? just can only keep waiting ... zzz i know how terrible the bad effect will be.. but then.. what im doing.... =.= and if its happen.. i think i cant overcome it ba.. then.. the only way to solve is just...........

pls don happen any magic on me...><

whisper whisper..

ahduhhh.. annoyance keep disturbing me.. even want to have a relax and enjoy sleeping time also can't.. kns.. =X keep begging but donnoe what i begging.. lolx.. body so weak even my college friends also say like that.. ''why you always sick 1''.. ''why you so 弱不禁风 1''.. '' why your lips always turn white 1''.. mana saya tau leh.. i also dont want de marr.. (excuses =.=) honestly i din't really very very take care of myself? shhhhh.. =X but then i still got eat breakfast.. lunch.. and dinner.. zzzz.. i went body check jor the doctor so noob 1 say my body all okie so healthy.. =D (ps arr doctor..) i got gastric he say no gastric.. i say i lack of blood he say my body fully of blood.. i say my heart pain when i wake in the morning he say nothing..=X okie then just pretend my body healthy lo.. hmm okie skip this topic.. =P hmm hmm.. oh yea i become monitor in Accounting class.. why? just because im always come to college earlier than others.. well.. im the earliest... sweat.. but still okie lar just hope others wont discriminate me..=X Mathematics lecturer ffk us 1 week liao.. Mr Kelvin don't worry i will request for the 3 hours replacement de..=D always can't wait to study.. abnormal? lolx.. perhaps.. im the 1st 1 started to do Economics note BEFORE lecturer teaching.. and my friend just tell the lecturer im always like dat 1.. i want get A marr..=X i want scholarship marr aiyoo..=X

my mood will so easily change because of you.. this morning when at college i was just worrying bout you n keep emo.. but then now im happy because u text me for caring bout me.. hehe.. =D

recently quite active at here.. relying here to write down my feelings.. well.. mostly of my post are sad i know.. hiezz.. donnoe what actually im doing.. mess up so many things.. who willing to hurt the 1 they love.. unless they arent sincere to the love.. but then.. still will have something happened like argument or misunderstanding to ordeal the love..... the feeling is still strong.. so hope to meet you.. or even text you.. but then.. im just asking myself dat if im talking to you.. will i annoying you? i can just admit dat i never really learn how to love.. im just following my feelings.. easy to mess up things when im in emotional.. cant be really rational.. this is my shortcoming i realised.. when im trying to be good to him.. must have something disappointed happened and mostly all my fault.. even i dont mean it also.. dats just a fault.. and everytime other than apologise and explain i found i cant even do anythings.. its all a test.. Still very caring of him.. Thinking of him everyday everytime.. really miss him ba.. i know i cant let go.. but what else i can do? Time would helping me to make all the misunderstanding clear and let us grow more mature thinking? Den.. Take time ba.. nowdays must be very hard to pass ler.. i just hope u can always be in the good mood as how i know you before.. fact is always hard to face.. always think like to escape it.. i asked my mom whether next year can i go Penang study.. and she were just reject it..>< and Now.. the only thing i bother is my body.. god bless me i would be fine.. please.....

善意的谎言也是谎言..
被揭穿了才觉得无地自容?
多不想面对..只想当鸵鸟..可是我知道不行这样..
就算有多辛苦..多难受..
不要再向别人求助了..
真是害人害己啊..
心事就收在心里吧..有什么自己解决..
多难受都好..
不可以在摆着一张苦瓜脸面对其他人了..
要装..就要装好一点..
保持笑容..多假都无所谓..
当这样的双面人也总好过用言语欺骗人的双面人..(any different? =.=)
变神经病也是自己的问题..
认错又怎样?内疚忏悔又能怎样.....(T.T)

那一刻多想紧紧抓着你的手不要放开..好想告诉你我有多不舍得..在我再也忍不住大哭..你紧紧的抱着我的那一刻..感觉快崩溃了..好不容易厘清所有的问题..到最后剩下的两个选择..等待着你的答案..心好像悬挂在空中..一直跟自己说不会是第二个..不会是第二个..答案却是如此的令人失望..我知道..你做这个决定也很痛苦..可是为什么你不自私一点选择在一起..我愿意牺牲去佛堂..你知道的..为什么要成全我..为什么我们明明相爱却不能在一起..我也感觉到你很舍不得啊....

睡醒后的胡言乱语..

从小就有一个观念..我会常常提醒自己..不可以太过开心..因为我觉得开心和伤心都有一个限度..当开心用完了之后..就只剩下伤心..开心不可能永远开心..或许在你得意的时候..伤心的事慢慢就会来临..(hmm.. i think nobody understand wat i say ba..=X)

最近觉得自己越来越离谱了..一有一些小事想不通..很烦恼的时候..就会有想结束生命的念头..这些天好像越来越频繁了..控制不到自己不去想那些..忧郁症?我有那么严重吗?只是太过压抑自己了吧..不过放心..我还没傻到那种伤害自己的地步..

我要的到底是什么..我真的可以自私的为我自己想想吗?为什么一直以来我做的东西都没有人懂..我委屈求全..连最重要的自尊心都抛开了..还不够吗..我很容易满足的..对我好一点点不难的..真的好像一条橡皮筋..一直拉一直拉..就不懂几时会断掉而已..

可不可以什么都不要想..很累..

emo again.. hmm why my heart cant be firm.. wonder.. why.. the decision always change.. why i change to be like this.. what i want actually.. i asked myself so many times.. but.. finally i just forget the question cause i know even though i also cant answer myself.. hate to be like this.. really.. but how.. how can i solve all the problems nicely without hurt others n hurt myself..=.= feel wanna long piak liao..

hmm how to describe the feeling.. its like all back to the starting point and keep going on.. and i know.. the feeling never change.. i broke my own promise.. never give up as how i told myself.. still.. miss him everyday and really hope to meet him everyday since this is my last week of holiday.. really enjoy it.. and its really fun for me.. hmm even though sometimes nothing to do..=X play basketball.. have breakfast and lunch.. watch match.. disturb him.. eat ice cream.. =D and everytime also not willing to go back home just hope to stay more longer beside him.. lolx.. im totally like a kid when be with him.. but then.. still hope he can take the initiative to text me when he miss me? hmm sometimes really wonder should i text him everyday like a girl friend.. would he feel annoying? how if i din find him.. will he unhappy? just same goes to should i tell him where i going? well.. did i think too much? >< hmm or i should just ask him these question someday.. lets change a topic.. going start my new semester next monday.. feel excited.. but i know.. when its started i will miss my holiday again.. lol.. 5 subjects.. all tough subject not just like General Studies or English or wat Malaysian Studies.. must study harder ler.. aim all get As.. too high expectation? hmm try my best ba.. just hope still able to manage the stress lo.. and try to save MONEY.. oh yea.. DIET!! i waste my holiday din go for swimming lesson.. reason? no hv money.. hiez.. just hope can be more slim abit larr.. =P and nowadays keep thinking of the society.. since i gonna start my studies wont be so often back temple ler ba.. i know i shouldnt say too much or make any promise cause i know i cant quit it on time.. take time to quit lo.. but then the blood donation de activity since i promise others i will attend den i shouldnt broke the promise right.. after finish the activity i wont accept any activity ler ba.. i said i like to teach the kids.. its truth actually.. they are all so cute and everytime i see them my mood will be bright automatically.. take time lo.. hmm Its late.. going to bed lerr.. night..=)

觉得自己很奇怪..
明明累得要命..却不想睡..
自己也搞不懂我自己..
真的是我的问题吗..
慢慢的觉得对自己越来越没有信心..
好像快得忧郁症..
连自己都发觉好像有点严重..
一有一些小事发生就会有那种恐怖的念头..
逃避?
或许吧..
我连面对自己的缺点都需要时间了..
解决?
还得努力吧..
现在只希望能够做好自己..
想先搞好自己的问题..才来接受别人..
可能..
我的心不定吧..
做事犹豫不决..过了的事还一直想影响自己..
才会这样..
本来告诉自己..该死了这条心了..
该放弃了..
可是..就连我自己都开始不听自己的话..
心开始动摇..真的好想好想你..
这到底是什么问题..
我真的不想当双面人....

lost the most important thing in my life..

please..

hope everything will be fine..

please..

bankrupt lo...

完蛋..
严重破产..
从开学以来钱就一直不够用..
去年赚的钱都快完了..
零用钱一个月300真的不够..
虽然汽油钱不算在内也不够用也..
Touch n Go 每个月要进90..
Printer Ink 一个月几乎都要买两次..
一次115块..@@
还有早午餐的钱..
还有handphone top-up..
真的无言了..
><

很想信息你..

却又不知道该说什么..

每天看着电话好久好久..

一没事做..就会想你..

心空空的..

很不舒服..

你呢..还好吗..

考完试了..

开始放假咯..

都不知道要做些什么..

睡觉..运动..看戏..吃东西..之类的吧..

考完Management的时候..

快哭了..

考试前几个小时..才吵过架..

没有心情..也不专心..

考完了觉得..

怎么我那么笨..

学业不好..爱情也搞砸..

心情跌到了谷底..

这几天都在逼自己笑..

还蛮好的..

会没那么不舒服..

我真的很想你.....

原来我也是个大醋桶...=(

Exam Exam..

hmm 2 more days come to final exam..
even just 2 subject but still damn nervous..
nothing can do on english..
grammer (die oredi)..reading (still okie)..essay (prepare to write crap)..
lolx.. i wan get at least B lor popipopi..xD
well bout management..11 chapter to memorize..
good good..><
feel wanna drink chicken essence tim..

i found how to get myself motivated..
so easy way..
well if i can feel u are happy, thats my motivation..=P

回忆...

看到别人骑着脚踏车..
又把回忆带到了那时一起到Bukit Cahaya骑脚踏车的时候..
那天天气很好..
中午12点才到那边..
不会很晒..可还是晒黑了一点点..><
去租了脚踏车..
很开心..
刚开始还可以骑很快..
可是慢慢地脚开始没力气了..
看着他离我越来越远..
就越使力的追..
当要爬山的时候..傻眼了..
索性的看着他的背影推着脚踏车慢慢走..

发现了他的脚踏车刹车有点问题..
下山的时候不太能受控制..
换他在我后面..
当时只想..
在骑到他旁边陪他慢慢的下山..
虽然每次他都叫我往前骑..
可是就是想要和他一起走..
就好像在人生的路途里..
我可以很努力的追着他的脚步..
可是当他落后了..
我也可以停下来等他陪他一起往前走..
可是..还有这个机会吗..

真的很喜欢骑脚踏车..
尤其是下山的时刻..
不用用力气..
享受着迎面而来的风..
很凉爽..
希望还有机会和你一起去骑脚踏车....

坚持?放手?

一直逃避现实..

其实自己心中清楚知道..

现实是什么..

只是..不愿去真正地面对他..

跟自己说..加油..努力挽回吧..还有希望的..

是在骗自己吗..

在学校过于想念..跑去厕所偷哭..

是不是..该找个人骂醒我..振作一点..

希望是渺茫的..会有奇迹吗..

我懂..如果不做些什么..这段感情就会烟消云散..

可除了一直渴求..一直道歉..还能做些什么呢..

谁又能保证..这次过后不会再有同样的事情发生呢..

这就是你要离开的原因吧..

你受不了了..

我们的爱好脆弱哦..

你说就当普通朋友..

可是我做不到啊..感情都那么深了..叫我怎么能放手..

对不起..我知道要分手你也不好受..

我还一直烦着你..还要你安慰..

哭诉着自己有多难受..多痛苦..

却没想过你的感受..

好自私..不可以再这样了..

是不是..该替你想想..

与其常常不开心的跟我在一起..不如..还给你自由..

就像你说的..还有很多比我好的人..

那..该坚持..还是放手呢..

又钻牛角尖了.....

arghhhh..

站在镜子前面..
看着变得很陌生的自己..
肿肿的眼睛..红红的鼻子..散乱的头发..
变得好丑好丑..
怎么变成了这个样子..

断断续续的哭了好几个钟头..
头好痛..
是的..毋庸置疑..
我又搞砸了..
前几分钟还甜蜜的相处..一转眼却.....
晴天霹雳..
不能怪别人..只能怪自己..
怪自己怎么不把那突如其来的comment删除掉..
怪自己又惹他生气嫉妒了..
知道他很在乎..我更在乎..
还是一样没变吧..
一样的幼稚..不会替他想..
殊不知一句对我来说无关痛痒的废话竟是这次分手的导火线..
在一起已经好几个月了..
一直都没有真正公开过..
我的朋友不知道..他的朋友也不知道..
这也是我没有安全感的原因吧..
好像他随时随地会消失一样..
不是不信任..不是没信心..只是没安全感..
这段时间里..除了甜蜜..
还隐藏了很多酸酸苦苦..
只都因为我的不成熟..
好像一直没变吧..
连自责的性格也没变..
常常很糊涂..没顾全大局..
问题还是争执一发生..就只会一直一直的骂自己..
恨自己..只会一直哭..
越来越讨厌我自己了..怎么办呢..
心里有两个人在吵架..一直吵..一直哭..
又打自己了..轻微自虐? 算是吧..
还好他没看到我这个样子..会吓坏吧..

难道真的没机会了吗..
真的那么失望吗..
你说你不好..
可是我爱的人就是你啊..
为什么不能相信我..
对不起..我是笨蛋!!我是笨蛋!!
很努力很努力的挽回..
可是机会好像很渺茫了..

是不是..该消失一阵子..
沉淀..反省..逃避逃避吧....

没有人会在乎你是个怎样的人..有又怎样..得到的只有同情心而已..

Im Virgo..

不知道从几时开始相信星座这种东西..是想透过这个来了解自己吧..是还蛮准的..尤其是下面这篇..

處女座有時很憂鬱。也許在外表上嘻嘻哈哈，

但當自己一個人的時，也許會故意找傷心的事回憶。

感嘆命運的悲慘，然後第二天再抱著飽滿的精神，面對朋友們。

那種氣氛也許是可以營造出的，悲慘給自己的脆弱找個理由，

告訴自己可以堅強，的確很堅強至少不願讓別人看到眼淚。

處女們不愛說話，外表冰冷高傲讓人無法接近。

他們似乎是天生的悲觀主義者，因為理性的完美主義，

而瞻前顧後他們總是低頭默默地自卑，卻永遠沒有害人的勇氣。

他們絕對不會在你困難的時候，離你而去。

會堅強的陪你度過難關他們在面對痛苦挫折的時候，

往往勇敢得令人佩服。

處女愛一個人的時候真的是“死了都要愛” 

充滿羅曼蒂克的愛情藏在內心深處，一但你通過考驗，

他決定付出時，壓抑的情感都將爆發出來，他會變得積極而大膽。

所以能被處女座選中的人是很幸福的，只要你是真的誠實知性負責。

那麼處女座人寧願犧牲自已也不會勉強所愛的。

處女為人知性，冷靜，理智顧全大局知性的代表

面具下處處們也是很敏感的，又多疑還超級的悲觀。

神經纖細甚至還有點神經質。

像個孩子一樣只要一感覺到不安全了，就會內心彆扭糾結。

表面看起來對很多事情都不在乎，其實內心糾結得要死，

需要別人哄著逗著。

處女對任何事都要求過高，極其挑剔。

但實際上處女本身也是最沒底，最矛盾的人。

外表強悍到沒人真正敢融入進去，他需要很多關愛。

需要有一份堅定的安全感來鞏固內心的不安。

處女最大的毛病就是缺乏安全感。

就因為常年把自己保護得死死的，

處女內心就是希望有一個人能看穿他全部的脆弱。

喜歡在傷心的時候，聽傷心的歌。

喜歡在開心的時候，和在乎的人分享常常口是心非。

想拒絕卻開不了口，朋友挺多，但懂的不多。

不喜歡主動聯繫別人，但絕不是不在乎。

不喜歡欠別人，也不喜歡別人欠自己。

很安靜也可以很瘋。

不要覺得他沒心沒肺，他只是對很多事看得很開。

處女的情緒，來自內心深處。

所以一旦發洩出來，就會像火山爆發一樣一發不可收拾。

所以處女需要與了解自己的人在一起，

這樣才可以每隔一段時間就抒發一下自己的心事，

把悶在心裡頭的不愉快全部掏空。

對處女而言，抱怨是有益健康的。

請愛處女的人接受他偶爾吐吐苦水發發牢騷。

insomnia yesterday night..hiezz..lying on the bed turn left turn right turn left turn right even change sleeping pose also cant fall asleep.. how harr..trying to find the best solution to solve the problem..keep think think n think..heart hanging in the air since he din reply my message yesterday.. im not purposely make him angry de..just trying to solve the problem earlier and wont talk about tat sensitive topic again.. arghh why i so stupid cant communicate with him well..

There can be miracles..Im still believe..

Happy Valentine Day..

wonder how could i still have the good mood to wish others happy valentine..

suddenly feel so hate to celebrate this day..

lol..

Valentine eve cry like a crazy people..

cry so loud so loud in the toilet when bathing and before sleeping..

feel so lost and helpless i cant just save my love from my mistake..

lol..

since last time when u come my house accompany me

the feeling is just like we be together again..

at the night im still fall asleep with smiling..

and whole night dream u somemore..

but then..

everything change when u say sorry bout kissing me..

i understand..

u dont want a easy fight relationship..

i understand de..just really cant accept the truth..

feel so disappointed..

i'll try to find solution to solve our problems..

hope u can just discuss with me as well..

hope have miracles..

i love you..

and Happi Birthdayy Jin..

hahahahax...Omg 1st time cant stop laughing when see his picture capture by himself..

so cute!! xD

hmm not bad not bad..xD

well..rest jor 4 days tmr back to college..

start fighting..@@

need to wake early jor..><

no chioce..use to it liao..=.=

Oh i had 2 nightmares yesterday night..

god both of the situation also when i drive..

the 1st is my car front light both also not working..

midnight!! whole street dark dark de..

not dare to drive fast but then suddenly 5 indian guys appear beside my car gonna rap me..

@@ sweat larr wonder wanna langgar them or how..then scare until wake jor..

then continue with the 2nd nightmare..

chase by ghost at highway..

omg..scream like hell..

somemore inside my car..=.=

scare dao straight away wake up..

hope tonight dont make bad dream again larr harr..><

Coward to face the Ugliness..

here is such like a place..
i release all my words..
all my feelings towards here..
and all my explanation..what i did..why i did..what i didn't and why i didn't..
consider a kind of way to escape problem?

well..
i found its all my problems..
cause i don't know to think maturely before doing somethg or talkig somethg..?
i really don't know how to overcome..
i try to be closer to him..but....
i know i did wrong and he can't forgive me on the spot..
i just scare..
you will just leave me..

but the biggest problem is..
i had oredi face this kind of situation not only once..
these feeling comes over against me..
but im still cant handle and dont know how to solve..
other than keep apologise i found i got nothing to do..
irony right..haha
or else i should be confidence to our love ba..
hmm yea...

i know i not really understand myself..
and i really try my hard to understand you more faster..
i did..
perhaps there some misunderstanding..
time will reveal ba..
or maybe ur right..
im not good enough..
and i tot im good.. in fact there are not..
or ..i am just cowardly to face the ugliness of real me....
such as..selfishness..??

well..

back to college today..

the stress is never reduce..

done my english assignment by myself at the new year holiday..

today present it with my group members..

i feel glad on my work actually..

but after the presentation..

suddenly feel so unsatisfied..what i did is not accurate to what lecturer want..

just finish the english assignment..another general studies assignment is coming..

arghhh..how can i overcome these..

totally donnoe how to manage my time n stress..

haizzzzzzzz..

很想你..

一天不知道哭了几次..

还边开车边哭..

可不可以不要不理我..

对不起..

我真的不想放弃你...

helpless..

first time write 3 post within 1 day..

feel so helpless and useless..

cant believe that everything is gone..

argue? haizzz..

how good if all of this just a nightmare..

wish i can wake up and back to your side..

dont know why..our relationship become like this..

i try to explain but all is just become misunderstanding..

would be any wrong on my explaination..?

会不会是我说错话了..

你才会误解我的意思..

我知道..我很笨..

常常做一些事来惹你生气..

是我还长不大吧..

有些事在我的角度来看是没什么..

可是我却没有站在你的立场想..

太自私了吧..

今天不知道哭了多少次..

一直骂自己..还拿自己的胃来赌气..不吃饭..

只靠药来止痛..让你知道了你会更不想理我吧..

听我说..

我真的没有要玩你的意思..

我玩不起..

或许你不会原谅我了吧..

but what i want to say is..i am still love you..i swear..

快消失吧..

除了哭..什么都不会了..
真希望..能够快点消失在这个世界上..
只会伤害人..什么都不会..
以前是这样..现在也是这样..
一切都是我自己的问题..
是我不会表达我想说的意思吗..
还是我就真的那么笨..笨到我爱的人都讨厌我吗..
又来了..
我又伤害了我很爱很爱的人..
怎么会这样呢..
我做了什么..
还是我没做什么?
一切的解释都变得毫无意义..
我到底该怎么做..
我不听话吗..
我很坏吗..
为什么每次都这样..
让我消失好不好..

Stressful New Year..

well..this year Chinese New Year really no have so much mood to celebrate..because of the stress of studies perhaps..need to done few tests..assignments and a project within 2-3 months..even thought only 3 subjects in this Sem but its so damn stressful..CNY holiday also need to finish the English assignment..suppose should be 4 ppl in a group but i done it myself..>< then the Management assignment n General Studies project need to pass up by 17th Feb..wonder can i done all these studies well or not..omgggg..

back to new year..oh yea i went to his house for lunch at the 2nd day of new year..hmm honestly firstly when i just get prepare to his house my feel was like so excited..donnoe why..ask my mom to dry my hair somemore..=X err..okie..but when i reached his house and i found..wow..totally cant join to his friends conversation..hmm luckily Brandon n Edwin there so still hv talk a little bit..quite disappointed that he looks like don want chap me..so sad..=X well..i know he need to accompany his friends but at least just talk with me marr..then when they go the other friend house by 2pm..i decide to back home 1st..err..well that time im think like back home alone might be better than stay there being quiet..hmm but its feel grad when he come my house accompany me at night..sweet..=)